Sick Of This Circle Of Death That We Dance Through

We've all been dealing with the problem probably since elementary school. There is always someone that doesn't like someone else. So that's what I'm going to talk about today. So when I was listening to Thrice last night before bed "Kill Me Quickly" and I thought it would be pretty appropriate for this blog.




Artist: Thrice
Song: "Kill Me Quickly"

Lyrics:"Kill Me Quickly"

Can we,
can we kill each other quickly?
Quick enough so I won't feel it?
A shot of strobe light anesthia
and I'll be fine

'Cause I'm beginning to feel cold
My hands are shaking from fear,
white from clutching my pride,
red from cutting you,
and blue from telling lies.

'Cause I'm sick of the stabbing,
I'm sick of the breaking,
I'm sick of the bleeding until we fall down,
sick of this circle of death that we dance through
again and again, just lay me in the ground.
Let's fall asleep together,
hold me darling 'cause I'm scared,
and I can't do this alone.

But I need!
your heartbeat
to haunt me,
your cold lips to breathe,
a promise that, tomorrow
we'll wake up somewhere new.

So a problem that we've all had especially in my circle of friends is that there is always someone that has a problem with someone else. It sucks. I hate that we have to watch who we bring around who. I just wish it wasn't as big of a deal as it is so that we could bring said people around each other and have it not be a problem. Like, they could just not interact with each other and still have fun you know? I mean, that's what I do if I'm ever the one that is put in that situation with people I don't like. But we don't do that because a lot of us are too considerate and don't want to people in that scenario. I know I sure don't like doing it. It just sucks because someone is always left out and it creates jealousy and unnecessary angst. I usually don't take sides in matters when it comes to a problem between two of my friends but I hate being put in that situation where I may have to. I just wish we could all be civil and not hold onto grudges.

So I don't care what the situation is. A forgiving heart is a blessed heart. Lets change things around here and go back to being friends.

You're Just Jealous Cause We're Young And In Love

I have some cousins over since we had a death in the family recently. I have this weird fascination with death and dying. I dwell on it a lot. I've even picked out what song I want played at my funeral. So that's what it is today, "Soco Ameretto Lime" by Brand New. I know... Another Brand New song, oh well.



Artist: Brand New
Song: "Soco Amaretto Lime"

Lyrics: "Soco Amaretto Lime"

Passed out on the overpass
Sunday best and broken glass
Broken down from the bikes and bars
Suspended like spirits over speeding cars
You and me were kings over the parkway tonight
And tonight will go on forever while we
walk around this town like we own the streets
and stay awake through summer like we own the heat
Singing "everybody wake up (wake up) it's time to get down"
(everybody, everybody wake up its time to get down)
And when I pass the bottle back to Pete
on the overpass tonight, I bet we laugh

I'm gonna stay eighteen forever (cut me open)
So we can stay like this forever (sun poisoned)
And we'll never miss a party (this offer...)
cause we keep them going constantly (...stands forever)
And we'll never have to listen (new haircut)
to anyone about anything (new bracelet)
cause it's all been done and it's all been said (eyeliner)
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get

The hell out of this town
Find some conversation
The low fuel lights been on for days
It doesn't mean anything
I've got another 500, 'nother 500 miles
before we shut this engine down,
we shut it down

I'm gonna stay eighteen forever (cut me open)
So we can stay like this forever (sun poisoned)
And we'll never miss a party (this offer...)
cause we keep them going constantly (...stands forever)
And we'll never have to listen (new haircut)
to anyone about anything (new bracelet)
cause it's all been done and it's all been said (eyeliner)
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get (wait forever)

(you're just jealous cause I'm young and in love)
Eighteen forever (first kisses)
(your stomach's filled up but you're starved for conversation)
So we can stay like this forever (new stitches)
(you're spending all your nights growing old in your bed)
And we'll never miss a party (collar weekend)
(and your tearin up your photos cause you wanna forget... it's over)
cause we keep them going constantly (appearance ticket)
(you're just jealous cause I'm young and in love)
And we'll never have to listen (November to...)
(your stomach's filled up but you're starved for conversation)
to anyone about anything cause it's all been done (...remember)
(you're spending all your nights growing old in your bed)
and it's all been said (nightswimmers)
(and your tearin up your photos cause you wanna forget... it's over)
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get

Just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous... [turntable scratch]



Here's a little back story. Last year around May I was kicked out of my house for a couple reasons and my sister was just beginning to like Brand New at the time so she was listening to it in the car whenever she would be driving with my mom. My mom actually listens to the music that we listen to in the car rather than drown it out in her head and this song really stuck out to her. Over time she grew to hate it because it reminded her of me and she began to miss me more than she wanted to admit. The first time we rode in the car together after I left the house this song came on and she began crying uncontrollably. She then explained that it was this song that made her cry because it describes me and my friends perfectly and it made her miss me. She said it fit us perfectly because we're always doing something. Always going out of town and always doing things together. That we were in a constant state of partying and hanging out. Like we have no fears or worries about life. I must say, she was right.

So I find it fitting that this song be played at my funeral. This song will forever remind me of all my friends and people I've ever loved. Even people that aren't around. I'll always remember the fun times we've had and I want people at my funeral to be able to remember them as well when they hear this at my funeral.

So enjoy the time you have right now. Even when things are looking grim, just take a step back and take a look at who you have with you. They're the ones that are there for you now so try your best to be for them in the future. Keep the people you care about close and you'll never be alone.

Don't Let Yourself Down And Don't Let Yourself Go

Artist: Muse
Song: "Butterflies and Hurricanes"

Lyrics: "Butterflies And Hurricanes"

Change everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now

Change everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now

Don’t let yourself down
And don’t let yourself go
Your last chance has arrived

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And use this chance to be heard
Your time is now



I've made this decision to start trying to make the people around me happier. I'm tired of seeing people I care about bummed out. People used to come to me with their problems and I would always do a good job of listening and taking it in and reflecting positive out of it and helping them pick their heads' up, even if only a little. I feel like I've lost that side of me and I want it back.

What I love about this song is that the lyrics are so direct and straight-forward that you really don't need to think too much into it to feel motivated by it. Just reading them you know that this song is meant to inspire action in others. What makes this song ten times better is if you know and understand the band themselves, you can get a deeper meaning of the song. The band is very much into conspiracy theories and things of that sort. So if you take another look at the title, "Butterflies and Hurricanes" you might begin to realize that this is a reference to the Butterfly Effect which states that a butterfly on one side of the world can change the direction of a tornado or hurricane on the other side of the world with the flapping of its wings. Just the idea of something so small impacting something so large is crazy in itself, but when you think about it in regards to the song and it's lyrics, they're not asking for a small change. What he's asking for is for you to change everything about yourself. Imagine the power behind something like that.

So this is my personal declaration to do something about our situation. I'm going to try my best to do better by all my friends. Will you join me?

To The Top And Nothing's Going To Stop Us

So I couldn't find a cool video on Youtube for this song so I found this cool embeddable mp3 player service. So The song is "So Close/So Alive" by Just Surrender. If you know the song this blog might throw you off a little. It's not exactly what you think it is. Anyway, here we go.

Artist: Just Surrender
Song: "So Close/So Alive"


Lyrics: "So Close/ So Alive"

It looks like you need some company
Your face is wearing such misery
I'll stay right here if you, if you want me to
(I want you to)
And if our worlds collide
A smile I should provide
I'll turn your fantasies into something real
Cause, baby, get inside

To the top, and nothing's gonna stop us
No roots or chains there to hold us
Today will be the day we reach the sky
So long to things that just were made up
So close that you can almost taste it
Today will be the day we reach the sky

I like the way you look tonight
Your dress has drawn me to your eyes
I know that it's a stretch
Would you let me stay?
(I'll let you stay)
You got me in a trance
And if you take a chance
I'll make your memories into something more
Just open up your eyes

To the top, and nothing's gonna stop us
No roots or chains there to hold us
Today will be the day we reach the sky
So long to things that just were made up
So close that you can almost taste it
Today will be the day we reach the sky

You know that I will be next to you
When morning comes, I'll still be true to you
(You say you'll never leave)
And I won't, dear
(But how can I believe?)
Just trust me, please
(I can't explain how much I need you)
Don't say a word
Your body will speak for you
(You can be the reason I'm alive)
You're already everything I've got
(Hold me close; keep me on my toes)

To the top, and nothing's gonna stop us
No roots or chains there to hold us
Today will be the day we reach the sky
So long to things that just were made up
So close that you can almost taste it
Today will be the day we reach the sky

(Hold me close)
To the top, and nothing's gonna stop us
(Keep me on my toes)
No roots or chains there to hold us
Today will be the day we reach the sky
(Today will be the day we reach the sky)
(Hold me close)
So long to things that just were made up
(Keep me on my toes)
So close that you can almost taste it
(Today will be the day we reach the sky)
Today will be the day we reach the sky



Singing along with this song really brings me down. It makes me want to be able to have it be about me and my situation. Thats the thing though, I don't have a situation. This song reminds me of that early feeling when you're still falling in love... Where you're barely realizing it and it feels like nothing can ever go wrong. I miss that. I WANT that. I want to be able to sing this song with someone special. I love singing, and to have someone sing with me would make me so happy, but there's no one.

I guess what I've been feeling lately is loneliness but to a different extent. This isn't like the, "man how cool would it be to have a girlfriend again" type of loneliness. It's more along the lines of, "man, I feel so distant from everyone I was ever close to" kind of loneliness. I feel like I've been such a shitty friend lately. I'm not exactly sure why. But I feel like I'm losing touch with all the people I want to have close to me. I honestly don't know what happened. Maybe I got lost in heaven. By that I mean; maybe I lost myself trying to be something I wasn't. I went about this whole life changing thing the wrong way. Not that there is necessarily a right way, but I feel like since that, things have been looking up in some areas, but looking down in others. Sure I was a lot happier and I still kind of am, but I'm starting to see things differently. I'm starting to see other sides of people and I am starting to believe that I am the cause of it. It's like I forgot how to notice other people's feelings or something. Like I was so absorbed in myself that I couldn't notice that I was bothering others. Now I feel so far from everything and it's probably because I unknowingly pushed everything away. I feel like I've forgotten how to balance everything. I try to help out but end up causing more problems. I try to be there for something, but end up smothering. Try to patch things up, only to pull it apart even more...


I don't know what I'm doing right now. I am trying to find myself. All I can ask is that you stick with it and ride this out with me. I promise to try my best to get cool again. To be worth having around cause right now I feel like I'm not. And please if you ever need to talk about something, hit me up. Helping people helps me. Lets help eachother.