I Should Feel Alone, But I'm Alive

You know, so many times I've told myself that if I rid myself of this desert I would rid myself out of my problems. Out of sight and out of mind right? Yeah, well fuck that. I came across my Grave Maker CD and popped it in and when "Comfort in Concrete" came on, I had an epiphany. So before I dive headfirst into this, lets get the details out of the way. This song is "Comfort in Concrete" by Grave Maker if you haven't figured it out yet.



Artist: Gravemaker
Song: "Comfort in Concrete"


Lyrics: "Comfort in Concrete"

here I lay wide awake, listening to this city's life
Something here calms me, and it comforts me to know
That every step I will ever take leads me to another home
I know one day I will speak of a time
When nights shined brighter than days
This is the path that leads me to
the closest thing I call a home
To a home with more than belongings
that are bought and sold
Each moonlight drive a radio sings a lullaby
These nights where all is settled inside
I should feel alone, but I'm alive
I'm alive, looking at the sky
Knowing some life wait for me miles away
But I will wait
I am just a tourist, just a visitor to these cityscapes
To these scattered lights I find comfort within
I hope this carries on for a thousand more nights
A thousands more nights
Let's carry on


Like I was saying earlier I would always tell myself that I needed to get out of here. That I was being held back by the quicksand here. I swore that happiness was miles and miles away, but I am so wrong it's scary. I didn't need somewhere new, everything I need to be happy is right here. I was just running away from my problems and looking for an easy way out rather than deal with it. Desperation and depression are best friends and that's what I was clinging to. I thought I needed out but in reality I just needed to check myself for being a coward.

After the last two posts I've been thinking a lot clearer. I've got my head back on my shoulders. I opened my eyes to the world and now I see that I don't need to go searching for happiness in life; it's right in front of me. My friends are everything to me and without them I believe I would have finished it a long time ago. As long as I have them here I'm set. We've shared so many memories in this collection of our desert cities I would never replace it. I feel ashamed that I would even consider it.

When I sing along to this song, it's like the words empower me and give me the clarity that I need at the time. When I get to the line, "But I'm alive" I get so excited because when I sing/yell it it's like im making a decleration of the new me. I'm over being bitter and angry.

So re-evaluate yourself and your life and maybe you'll see that happiness is right in front of you. You just have to stop looking behind you. And know that I will always be here if you need me.