Birds flying high you know how I feel Sun in the sky you know how I feel Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel
It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life For me And I'm feeling good
Fish in the sea you know how I feel River running free you know how I feel blossom in the trees you know how I feel
It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life For me And I'm feeling good
Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean Sleep in peace when day is done And this old world is a new world And a bold world For me
Stars when you shine you know how I feel Scent of the pine you know how I feel Oh freedom is mine And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life For me And I'm feeling good
So just a heads up I will be recording a podcast for the blog from now on. Please take a listen and comment with any feedback you may have. Thanks for listening in guys
Artist: Hit The Lights Song: Until We Get Caught
Lyrics:
"Until We Get Caught" This is not the end This is just the beginning And don't you know everything we want Is within our reach at fingertips length We fought nonstop to make these nights our own Now no one can take them away
Hands in the air (hands in the air) No one make a sound (no one make a sound) While you're in despair, we'll have our ears to the ground Listening for the pulse that just might drive these hearts tonight And I know we won't make it out alive
We could have had it all Our backs against the wall Our eyes blindfolded tight Living what they call life [x2]
(We could) We could have had it all (Our backs) Our backs against the wall (Our eyes) Our eyes blindfolded tight
Hands in the air (hands in the air) No one make a sound (no one make a sound) While you're in despair, we'll have our ears to the ground Listening for the pulse that just might drive these hearts tonight And I know we won't make it out alive
We won't make it out alive When you burn down these bridges And you build up these walls And you've torn out these pages And there's nothing left at all And when that day comes And we're all still here Will you be waiting? Will you be waiting?
Hands in the air (hands in the air) No one make a sound (no one make a sound) While you're in despair, we'll have our ears to the ground Listening for the pulse that just might drive these hearts tonight And I know we won't make it out alive And I know we won't make it out alive
true friends stab you in the front keep you from getting what you want when one more fix could kill you they help you realize that
you're more and less than you first had believed you've so much to give and there's so much you need shortcuts through graveyards and a brand new way to breathe three thousand miles just to learn,
all that's gold does not all shine... and helping words aren't always kind, when one more kiss could kill you, they help you realize that
you're more and less than you first had believed you've so much to give and there's so much you need shortcuts through graveyards and a brand new way to breathe three thousand miles just to learn.
how to let my guard down accept the fire has spread among us. and if you're feeling all right, you've got to play it again, you've got to play it again.
Now I know I'm not in the best of places in my life to be giving advice, but that doesn't mean I am going to sit by and let someone's life go downhill. I try to help my friends in anyway possible. Even if it means crossing certain lines and speaking out of place. Now, I don't do the whole. "I'm going to yell at you until you until you get your act together/bad cop" thing well like my buddy Adrian does. I'm not like that, but sometimes it comes off that way even if I don't mean to. I just want to try to help but because it's such a touchy subject I sometimes come off sounding condescending when I really don't intend to. I just want to be able to have at least tried to help. Even if I accomplish nothing it's better than not trying. I mean, I care about all my friends. Some more than I should, but that won't stop me from trying to help them out with something as serious as school or work or relationships. I'm going to help my friends out as much as possible and nobody can stop me from doing so.
Like a phoenix ignition like a crematorium Like a swelling volition from the barrel of a gun From the ashes and the embers like a rocket I'll ascend Like a cry gone up for a fallen friend Like a cry gone up for a fallen..
Like a phoenix ignition like a crematorium Like a swelling volition from the barrel of a gun From the ashes and the embers like a rocket I'll ascend Like a cry gone up for a fallen friend I'LL ASCEND
Everyday tear down the walls till cornerstones remain Coming ONE STEP CLOSER ALL THE TIME And although we'll never reach perfection ALWAYS PERSIST TO TRY
No regrets, just rebirth move forward, and ignite. Incandescent Reinvention a new renaissance A NEW FIRE EACH DAY A NEW FIRE EACH DAY...DAY...DAY...DAY!
Lately I've been really down on myself. Hating myself for lack of motivation. Not aspiring to go anywhere. Rather than fight back and push forward I was just laying down and accepting defeat. Not anymore though.
I've noticed that no matter how bad I'm doing I can always count on Thrice to pick me up. If Brand New is my downer, Thrice is my upper. All day I have been listening to them and reminding myself why I like them so much. I contemplated writing a blog on another song but decided to wait to see if anything else would come up. Then this song came on and I knew instantly. It stuck me at the core. The lyrics burned into my head and convinced me of their truth. I need to reinvent myself. I've been so negative lately. Sometimes I wouldn't even try to put up a facade of happiness. I would just let the negativity take over. Not anymore however. Now I'm going to grow out of this hole and persevere. I am going to burn this current way of thinking and be reborn in it's ashes as a newer, happier self. I've always adored the Phoenix as a mythological being and it makes perfect sense to do this. All I needed was to hear this song.
Artist: Darkest Hour Song: "With A Thousand Words To Say But One"
Lyrics:
And to reflect is to regret throwing it all away and apathy my one way Street it took so much from me separated by this divide I created Through my fears and in your tears you tried to show blind eyes and Tell deaf ears if we can make it through the landslide standing we'll Lift each other up to see the bliss on the horizon been looking In from the outside lately I've seen who I used to be and it's not me And we can keep healing and we can keep holding on I just want to take You where our time won't be waste anymore through the mountains on the Water we'll stay engulfed in one another and when I can wake up to see the Sunrise in your eyes and we'll finally be free I'll know I've made it home so lets go out west And bask in the overcast and walking through the rain we'll see the Beauty in life again
My biggest problem is that I've been reflecting way too much lately. I have been bringing up old memories that I found out I still have a hard time dealing with. It sucks that it's true, but fuck... It's true. Maybe it's just because I've been wanting someone to share my life with more than ever. I feel like I tend to tantalize myself with chances of potential connections but it never seems to work. So what happens is that I watch something or listen to something that reminds me of all the girls I've ever been close to and then it just feeds that fire of loneliness even more and I come crashing down on myself.
As I said in my previous entry, my greatest enemy is myself. I have very little self-esteem and tend to try to hide that as best as possible. I put up fronts to try to be someone people enjoy having around but I end up just hurting myself even more. But you see when there is a girl that is in my heart I push myself to do better. I push myself to be a better person. That's what I need. I don't need a girlfriend to go on dates with and cuddle with. I need a girl that will inspire me to be a better person. Give me a reason to live up to these standards I have set for myself. Become something she can be proud of. I know I can't do it on my own free will. I need that push.
I’d arrest you if I had handcuffs I’d arrest you if I had the time I’d throw you down in the backseat As if you'd committed a terrible crime
I'd break in a town's worth of houses And rob whole families blind I’d do it to you like you'd do it to me If you knew you would get away fine
I’d drown all these crying babies If I knew that their mothers wouldn’t cry I’d hold them down and I’d squeeze real soft And let a piece of myself die
It’s hard to be the better man When you forget you’re trying It’s hard to be the better man
I’d arrest you if I had handcuffs I’d arrest you if I had the time I’d wait for you outside the courtroom and taunt you when all your appeals were declined
I’d drive my car off of a bridge If I knew that you weren’t inside With the pedal to the floor, who could ask for a more fantastic way to kill some time
You could lay on your back and be beaten You could put up your fists and fight You could try and be way off
It’s hard to be the better man When you forget you’re trying It’s hard to be the better man When you’re still lying
It’s hard to be the better man When you forget you’re trying It’s hard to be the better man When you’re still lying You’re still lying
I am my own worst enemy. I beat myself up and I bring myself down for no reason. It's like I won't let myself be happy. What the hell is wrong with me? There has to be some name for this. I constantly remind myself of how badly I've ruined anything that I've ever cared about. I constantly remind myself of how badly I've fucked my life up. Everything I watch is like a punch to the gut. Every song I listen to is like a kick across the mouth. I'm tired of trying to be this fucking carefree guy that has all the jokes. I am tired of lying to myself. FUCK! What the hell is wrong with me? I want to put my head through a wall. The truth is I'm so fucking fake. I'm the least honest person I know. I can't tell when I'm lying and when I'm telling the truth. I don't know what I believe about myself. I lie to myself about my feelings and try to convince myself that way but in the end it just leaves me empty and confused with no real answer. I want to find out how fast I stop when I hit a street post with my car. I want to find out how long I can hold my breath for under water till I finally give out.
How can I expect happiness when I can't get over any of my problems. Rather than work at them to make them better I just lay in my own shit and do nothing about it. Everything I do just ends up making things worse. I ruin people's lives by just being involved with theirs. Every day I lie to people I talk to. Every day I let my friends down without them even knowing it. Every day I make myself sick...
I hate how I feel like people will think I'm just looking for attention. I know I'm having a little pity party but I'm not looking for comfort. I'm not asking you to give me a hug. I don't really want to talk about it. I just needed to tell something or someone and I'll never be man enough to tell anyone face to face. That's the whole reason why I blog. I say things that I normally don't say. Even now though I hide the complete raw truth out of fear of it being known. I still hide my feelings. I still hide...
