I Doubt Theres A Better Place For Anyone Until We Learn Love

So I am sitting here at my brothers house, watching it since it got broken into today. I don't have much to do so I had a lot of thinking to do. I was kinda reading over some of my past blogs and I realized that I sort of strayed from the point of my blog. It was supposed to be how certain songs made me feel and why. I noticed I don't go into as much detail as I originally planned. So I decided to try to fix that today. This song is from one of my very favorite Hardcore bands Carpathian. It's called "Spirals" and it rules my life.



Artist: Carpathian
Song: "Spirals"


Lyrics: "Spirals"

I doubt theres a better place for anyone, we're vampires feeding on distrust,
Its time we grow the fuck up and learn to love,
I know I said, we're all so dead, but I'm not ready for death yet
So quick to point the finger, before looking inside
Yet all young lovers know why nightmares plague they're minds
We know true love, is just a curse, in a fucked up world, that's getting worse
But youths forgiving eyes, stare aimlessly, and carelessly we fuck all through the night, in the shadows of the city lights.
I'll never love again. I'll never love anything.

Not for one second can I imagine a retraction
How much longer can we take beauty for granted?
We've a lack of reason, an absence of passion
We're without clarity, in a world of empty vision and

I doubt there's a better place for anyone until we learn love


What I am now coming to realize with the help of this song, is that a lot of us here in the desert lack passion for what we do. Everyday it's just the same routine. Everyday just sort of blends in with the rest. Nothing crazy is happening. Nothing exciting is going on. So many of us are at such low points in our lives and I can't really explain why. I know for me, and maybe even for Mark, it's because we are learning to live without something we've had for so long. Both of us had someone we loved and now both of us are single. I don't believe that I will never love again, but true love is definitely a curse. It is a double-edged sword that will cut you deeper than you will anticipate. Ever heard the saying, "Play with fire and you're gonna get burned"? Well that's what love is. It's the best thing that will ever happen to you but once you're without it, it will be the worst.

But we need to get over that. I've become so afraid to getting burned again that I couldn't imagine falling in love anytime soon. I am not looking for it to happen anytime soon, but what I need to do is follow my own advice and stop worrying about it. I need to learn how to love myself and love the things around me again because I really don't need love to be happy. I need to remember how to love my life again. I'm going to stop worry about the repricussions of things and I'm just going to live my life how I see fit. Always taking in the signs I come across along the way.

So this is my challenge to myself and to anyone that reads this. Lets learn to love ourselves and lets learn how to love what we have. I know it's not that easy, but that's why it's a challenge. The next time you think you're in a shitty spot in life, call yourself a coward. If you don't like the hand life deals you, throw some cards back and ask for a new one. Fucking do something about it. And if you won't call yourself a coward, remember that I will be calling you one through this post. We need to learn to persevere and push forward. You know how there is always someone better than you, well there is always someone who is worse. So fuck your regrets. Fuck everything. I'm down for anything.



Now that that's all out of the way, check out this live video if you want. It's cool because I think it does a good job of capturing their essence live.

And You Can't Blame Your Mother, She's Trying Not To See You As Her Worst Mistake

Brand New is easily one of my favorite bands. The Devil and God Are Raging Inside me is easily one of my favorite albums of all time. I could dedicate this entire blog to just this band, no scratch that; just this album. Tonight; however, I'll just leave you with "You Won't Know" by Brand New.

Now I have two videos for this song, just like the first Brand New post I did on here. The first video is just the song itself, and the second is a live performance. I highly recommend watching the live one, it's my favorite video of Brand New performing live and it shows their raw emotion they put into their music. It's so powerful.




Artist: Brand New
Song: "You Won't Know"

Lyrics: "You Won't Know"

Hey, hey, hey, Mr. Hangman,
You go get your rope
Your daughters weren't careful,
I fear that I am a slippery slope
Now even if I lay my head down at night
After a day I got perfectly right...

She won't know...
She won't know...

So pray little Kay loves God on a good day,
And you can't blame your mother,
She's trying not to see you as her worst mistake
And I wish that I could tell you right now, I love you
But it looks like I won't be around
So you won't know...

You won't know...
You won't know...
You won't know...

So believe in me,
believe, if you think I'll let you down
Well I won't
They can fire everything they've got
And when you think I'm sunk
I will float on and on
I have burned the bush that covered my light
Even though I'm scared I won't burn that bright
But you won't know...

You won't know...
You won't know...
You won't know...

We're never gonna feel as full as we felt
So let's go outside and we'll play "William Tell"
Take your time drawing your bead
I'll stand as still as you need
'Cause you're so good at talking smack, you heart attack
But you're the apple of my eye anyway

My smiling face
That's on my head
it's on a silver plate

So they say,
They say in heaven
There's no husbands and wives
On the day that I show up
They'll be completely out
Of their forgiveness supplies
And I can't use the telephone
To tell you that I'm dead and gone
So you won't know

You won't know...
Yeah, you won't know...
Yeah, you won't know...
Yeah, you won't know...
Yeah, you won't know...
Yeah, you won't know...
Yeah, you won't know...

Now, you might not catch it the first time you listen to this song, or maybe even never, but this song is about abortion. I am just now finding this out. I had to do a lot of research to figure it out, but it's definitely along those lines. I couldn't tell you if it is a personal account, or if it's just something that inspired them to write, but yeah it's about abortion. That's not why I'm writing this though. I've never had to deal with abortion, well, not really. It came up once, but it wasn't an option in my book.

Anyway, the reason I picked this song is because I have a hard time expressing my feelings. When it comes to girls, I can never tell them exactly how it feels. It was with the constant badgering of one of my friends that forced me to tell the last girl about how I felt. Not that I didn't want to, but just that I can't do it. I guess it's for fear of rejection. That's why I take the lyrics to heart. Even though they have a different meaning, I took them for my own.


P.S.

I decided to put the live performance in here at the bottom so you didn't feel inclined to watch it right away. I would rather that you have heard the song before hand and had a chance to read the lyrics and try to get your own understanding for them. So here you go:

Give You The Gun, Blow Me Away

This next song goes out to anyone that's ever been dropped by someone you were close to, watched someone you love turned into someone you hate, or even just realized you yourself turned into something you don't want to be. I bring you "Change (In the House Of Flies)" by Deftones




Here is the music video if you're interested: Change Music video


Artist: Deftones
Song: "Change (In The House of Flies)"

Lyrics: "Change (In The House Of Flies)"

I watched you change
Into a fly,
I looked away,
You were on fire.

I watched a change,
In you,
It's like you never,
Had wings,
Now you feel so alive,
I've watched you change.

I took you home,
Set you on the glass,
I pulled off your wings,
Then I laughed.

I watched a change,
In you,
It's like you never,
Had wings,
Now you feel so alive,
I've watched you change.

It's like you never,
Had wings.

Aaaahhh-ah-aaaahhh (x6)

I look at the cross,
Then I look away,
Give you the gun,
Blow me away.

I watched a change in you,
It's like you never had wings,
Now you feel so alive,
I've watched you change.

Now you feel alive,
You feel alive,
You feel alive,
I've watched you change.

It's like you never,
Had wings.

Aaaahhh-ah-aaaahhh (x6)

You've changed,
You've changed,
You've changed,
Into a fly.


What I love about this song is the way it pulls you in and envelopes you in it. I love ambient stuff and this is exactly that. What's weird is that it sorta makes you feel down. Like, right away the mood is just down and dark. I get off on stuff like that though lol.

But back to the point of the post, I picked this because I've seen people come and go in my life. I've watched as some of my closest friends changed so much in high school. I watched the shy, nerdy kid transform into the obnoxious alcoholic that nobody wants around. I watched as my best friend dove into a life of parties and eventually stopped coming around. But they aren't always bad. I am actually pround of my friend Ray. He went off to the military and had a kid and is very responsible. I actually look up to him now.

But I'm not here to cast blame. I myself have changed plenty throughout my life. And I also have watched my own relationships change with other people. I've been battling with this feeling that I'm not fun anymore. I feel like I've run out of all the good ideas. Well, I guess what it really is is that I'm so concerned with making sure everyone else is happy and doing what they want to do, that I've run out of things to do. I've become so used to just going along with what everyone else wants to do. I feel like I've lost my originality.

You Electrify My Life

You ever listen to that song that just makes everything feel better. Like, you could be having the worst week and that one song comes on and you forget all about your troubles. That's what this song is for me. It's "Starlight" by Muse.

This video is a live performance off their H.A.R.R.P DVD. I think it does a good job of showing how awesome they are live while still performing the song as it should be performed and not ruining it




Artist: Muse
Song: "Starlight"

Lyrics: "Starlight"

Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

THE Starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms

Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold

First off, this band is amazing. Fuck Brian and anything he says about them. Muse is easily on of my very favorite bands of all time. Them, Brand New, and Thrice in no particular order. Secondly, they're so epic. Now, I don't mean that in the over-exaggerated slang sense, but in the they really really are of epic scale sense.

Haha alright well onto business. Like I mentioned earlier, this song rushes over me and just takes me with it every time I hear it. No song makes me happier than this one. It's not even a happy song necessarily. If you pay attention to the lyrics it's about longing to be with the one you love. Now, I don't have someone that I want to be with and hold and make everything better. I've only been that intimate with one person, but that's in the past. I don't see her that way anymore.

So why do I like this song so much? How do I relate to it? I'm not missing someone so terribly that it tears me up knowing that I'm not with them. I don't think about anyone before I go to bed at night. I guess, I let my love live vicariously through this song. I'm not in love, but through this song, I can feel like I am. This song does that for me. I can just close my eyes and let the feeling wash over me. It's bliss really. That's the only way I can describe it.

Now all I need is for someone to fill that void. I'm not necessarily looking, but I'm waiting for someone to think of when I listen to this song.

Let Us Die

This next song I'm bringing to you is from a band called mewithoutYou. Yes, that's their actual band name, I didn't mess up lol. The song is "Bullet to Binary." It's such a strong and captivating song.


I couldn't find an embeddable video so you'll have to bare with me and click the link. It's the actual music video so it's totally worth it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_uwgRzlrNc


Artist: mewithoutYou
Song: "Bullet To Binary"

Lyrics: "Bullet To Binary"

Let us die, let us die
Dying we reply
"don't talk to us about suffering,
look in our eyes".
Let us be, let us be-
Our closeness is such that
wherever she rests her head
in the softness underneath,
she'll feel me - and you will feel me.

Je leverai les yeux a toi-
J'ai change cent foi de nom
Je leverai les yeux a toi-
Je n'ai pas d'spoir.

When you laugh you'll feel my breath there
filling up your lungs. And when you cry,
those aren't your tears but I'm there
falling down your cheek.
and when you say you love him, taste me
I'm like poison on your tongue-
But when you're tired, if you're quiet,
you'll hear me singing you to sleep.


I guess one of the first things that I should explain is that the singer, Aaron Wiess is autistic. He may seem a little weird in the live video, well, that's why. But these lyrics are so strong and he pushes them forward with so much energy and power. In the line, "Don't tell us about your suffering, Look in our eyes, look in our eyes" you can hear what seems to be a desperation in his voice. Like, he has been pushed to the point where all he can do is lash out.

Then there is that verse in French. Up until recently I never understood what it meant do to my lack of understanding the French language. Well, with the help of Google Translate I was able to decode the lyrics. Here is what the literal translation is:

I will lift my eyes to yourself
I changed one hundred witness name
I will lift my eyes to yourself
I have no holds promise.

The only way I can try to understand that is understanding that the singer is a devoted Christian who is very strong in his faith. This isn't a Christian band, rather they are a band with Christian members. So that's what I'm guessing these lines hint at. His faith.

If you think about this song in the context of it being about a girl, it's easy to understand where all this pent up rage would come from. If you've ever had your feelings unreciprocated then you can sort of get a feel for what he's going through in this song. I've always had a hard time being honest with my emotions when it comes to girls. Maybe for fear of rejection. Maybe for fear of ruining whatever friendship we are enjoying. I also know the pain of someone else owning the person you love's heart. So it's easy for me to get caught up on these lyrics while singing along. Sometimes, things swell up inside me without me even realizing it until the song is over.

The other thing I like about this song falls back to him being a Christian. My connection with God isn't the strongest. Sometimes, it's hard for me to remember he exists. This song; however, is a good reminder that no matter what trouble I'm going through, there is another means of consolation. Usually, I sing bitter songs about whatever it is I'm going through. It's my way of dealing with the pressures of life without resorting to the evils of drugs and alcohol. If I delved in those things, I would probably have a hard time getting out. I just have to remember that He's there.

The Ballad of Ronnie Torres

I once told a girl that if she ever did me wrong, I would make this song be about her. Well, here we are not even a year later and I'm writing this blog. It's "The Ballad of Sal Villanueva" by Taking Back Sunday. It's not on any one CD except their "Notes From The Past" which was sort of a Best of.. type deal with two B-sides, this one being one of them.

Sorry about the annoying video but this was the only one I could find that wasn't live.




Artist: Taking Back Sunday
Song: "The Ballad of Sal Villanueva"

Lyrics:"The Ballad of Sal Villanueva"

"The Ballad Of Sal Villanueva"

It's not that I don't trust you
well I just know what you've been up too
and well this dial tone is agreeing with everything I've had in mind.
and you've got your high as a kite tricks in the bag.

so as his eyes move past your shoulder
and your shades start moving in the same direction
don't worry I, well I won't say a thing.
and you can't blame a girl for (you can't blame a girl for)
stickin' to what she knows..(stickin' to what she knows)

I hope he takes his time
and I hope he keeps your eyes closed tight
I hope that when he leaves,
you still smell him on your sheets
cause I can, I can.
I hope he takes his time
and I hope he keeps your eyes closed tight
I hope that when he leaves,
you still smell him on your sheets
cause I can, I can.

if I could get to sleep
then, I guess you could stop pretendin'.
cause if I didn't think you loved it,
well then I wouldn't play along
and you've got your high as a (you've got your high as a)
kite tricks in the bag..(kite tricks in the bag)

I hope he takes his time
and I hope he keeps your eyes closed tight
I hope that when he leaves,
you still smell him on your sheets
cause I can, I can.
I hope he takes his time
and I hope he keeps your eyes closed tight
I hope that when he leaves,
you still smell him on your sheets
cause I can, I can.

you're down for sellin' me out
while I play dumb,
it's cool cause I let you, thought I'd never catch you,
you'd say "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, I bet. I bet.

you're down for sellin' me out
while I play dumb,
it's cool cause I let you, thought I'd never catch you,
you'd say "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, I bet. I bet.

you're down for sellin' me out
while I play dumb,
it's cool cause I let you, thought I'd never catch you,
you'd say "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, I bet. I bet.

forget your legs around my hips.
forget your hands pressed on my back.
forget the letters that I kept.
this is another I won't send.
forget your lips, your eyes, your thighs.
forget our one last kiss goodnight.
forget me stakin' out your house.
forget I've got you figured out.

forget your legs around my hips.
forget your hands pressed on my back.
forget the letters that I kept.
this is another I won't send

The first thing about this song is the chorus. I don't necessarily agree with it, but I can't help but feel something boil up inside me when I'm singing those words. I get so riled up that I just want to keep singing haha. Then there is the part about how she's down for selling him out. The line, "You say we're only friends" part is exactly what hooks me about this song. I knew exactly what would happen between them and it did. I told everyone it would happen.



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Also, does anyone have any suggestions for something I can use to upload songs myself besides Youtube? Maybe just a small, embeddable flash player or something would be fine so that if I can't find a video on Youtube, I can just use that instead. Thanks, any help would help

I Wish I Had The Nerve To Tell You I'm A Wreck

So this next post is about a girl(Go figure). We've been friend's for a long time and I've gone to great lengths for this person. It's weird, she's gotten me to be the most spontaneous I've ever been for someone. Anyway, the song is called "Sincerely Yours" by Hit The Lights.




Artist: Hit The Lights
Song: "Sincerely Yours"

Lyrics: "Sincerely Yours"


Wake up and let go
Of these feelings that I've had for you
It's easier said than done
So give up (give up) and let go (let go)
Of these feelings that I've had for you
Why couldn't you be the one?

'Cause it's a guilty pleasure
Deciding whether you were ever mine or not
But the truth's apparent
That you weren't ever mine to start

What will it take to make you understand that I
I'm not lying when I say I need you
What will it take to make you understand that I
I'm not lying when I say I need you

So don't close your eyes

Every night I kept you up
I never once heard you say stop
But right now I wish I had
I wish I had the nerve to tell you that I'm a wreck
But what really did you expect?
You never listened to what I said to you (what I said to you)

'Cause it's a guilty pleasure
Deciding whether you were ever mine or not
But the truth's apparent
That you weren't ever mine to start

What will it take to make you understand that I
I'm not lying when I say I need you
What will it take to make you understand that I
I'm not lying when I say I need you (I need you)

Now this broken shell of a boy
Falls to pieces with no choice
At the sound of her voice he falls apart
Now this broken shell of a boy
Falls to pieces with no choice
At the sound of her voice he falls apart,
He falls apart, he falls apart, he falls apart...

What will it take to make you understand that I
I'm not lying when I say I need you
What will it take to make you understand that I
I'm not lying when I say I need you

I need you



Now the thing about this girl is the fact that I had been chasing her since high school. When we first met, I had a girlfriend at the time, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't think she was the coolest girl in the world. I guess I didn't realize the way I really felt until WAY later, but that's not even a big deal. I've had my feelings go up and down for this girl. I'd like her for a while, then I'd get over it and then it would come back next year or something haha. I swear we had the worst timing when it came to that lol.

But this song pertains to the one-sided end of the deal. The feelings I had when hers were fleeting and it was probably too late but it wasn't easy for me to just get over. I would seriously wake up and try to convince myself to not be so miserable. That she's just a girl and there are more out there, but it was never an easy feat. The truth is that I was miserable even without her in the picture, and she was my escape. She made everything better when we talked long into the night. Our conversations would end when either the sun came up or one of us fell asleep.

Then there's that verse that talks about how the boy falls to pieces at the sound of her voice. I can't help but connect there because every time we would stop talking, I would begin to get over it and start to move on. Then we would talk once and it would seem like everything was better and I would just fall right back into the hole I was trying to crawl out of.

Dude, I sound so lame lol





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Also, any feedback would be good. One thing I was wondering about was like, would it be better to post the lyrics first, or leave it how it is with the video first?

I Would Sleep Forever, If There's Peace In Death

Ever come across one of those songs that states exactly what you've been feeling lately. That's exactly what this song has been for me this past week. It's only a minute and a half long but I've probably replayed this song eight times in one day. Probably more. Just driving to work and back I can probably listen to it three times on the five-minute drive. It's by the band Trapped Under Ice and the song itself is called "See God." Here is a video featuring the song and I'll post the lyrics underneath.





Artist: Trapped Under Ice
Song: "See God"


Lyrics: "See God"

Never brought mommy smiles
this feeling that i'm feeling i've been feeling for
a while
it's hard to admit but i got to get it off my chest
i would sleep
forever if there's peace in death

and if you see god
tell him that i'm
still alive
gave up on all those prayers because they couldn't provide
the
answer to the questions ive been asking since birth
been searching for the
truth for years
i can't find peace on this earth

you won't find peace on
this earth


Every thing about these lyrics explain how I'm feeling lately. Even the whole, "Never brought my mommy smiles" part. I was thinking that part over this week trying to convince myself that those words weren't necessarily true in my life. That my mother and I have always had a pretty good relationship. That was of course until she sent me a message reminding me of how worthless I am. That's when I realized that, yup, those words totally fit me.

The rest is pretty self-explanatory. I've been dealing with my depression since middle school. Sure I had some good times in high school, but even with all my distractions it snuck up on my from time to time. I was doing well for a while. Pauline was always a big help with that. Not that she did anything necessarily, just that I was able to feel special when I was with her or my friends. Now that there's nobody there in that spot, it's become a lot harder to deal with it. I hang out with my friends to get my mind off things but that doesn't always work. And in all honesty, if I were to get shot, or stabbed right now, I would embrace death. Mark says that I'm fucked up in the head for not caring about continuing my life and living it out to the fullest, I just don't always see the point I guess. The truth is, I just want to go to heaven already. I've nearly lost all connection to my faith. The only thing I can still believe in is that in the end, God will take mercy on me and accept me into his Kingdom. That's why when I first heard the line, "And if you see God, tell him that I'm still alive. Gave up on all the prayers because they couldn't provide the answers to the questions I've been asking since birth" I was taken aback by it. Not necessarily out of shock or disbelief that someone would actually say that, but that I caught myself accepting and believing it to be true about myself. I've known where I stood with my faith and I knew that even though I didn't attend church on a regular basis, that I was still in His favor, but it's been harder to believe that lately.